Reflections
by usetherighthand
Summary: Roxas reflects on the events following his joining the Organization and his relationship with Axel. Roxas POV. [Oneshot][Warning! Shonenai, angsty!Roxas.]


**Reflections**  
_by Xulija_

**Disclaimer:** If I owned these two, they wouldn't just friends, now, would they? (:

**Author's notes:** I wrote this in my English exam lololol.  
Some parts were embellished, and some rewritten when I got it back, since the original one was like.. rushed. And rough. I didn't have time to do a rough draft, and I did the ending in under a minute anyway, since the exam was over. BD;; Lol. 

* * *

It was so heavenly, so familiar and warm, so good that it just _had_ to be sinful. Wrapped in the comfort of his love, the protective cocoon of his needful possessiveness, I had forgotten everything. Everything else minutely important in the hard, heartless world, a realm far too cold and uncaring for a lost soul like me. 

But I just _had_ to know. As I stalked through the dark alleyways of the World that Never Was, the faint, unnatural light of Kingdom Hearts illuminating my path, I thought back to when it all started, how this dreadful mess came to be.

I had woken in the red-washed sunset of Twilight Town, sprawled out in front of an old, empty mansion. I'm not sure what had brought me back to consciousness, but my bleary eyes had fallen upon a hooded figure in black robes the moment I opened them. He had asked me what my name was. I couldn't remember it at first, but the word sora – sky – had come to mind. That was as good a name as any, so I gave it. He lad lifted a gloved hand, the letters of the name materializing before him. A flick of his leather-encased fingers and an additional letter appeared, the smoke-delicate characters spinning, mixing themselves up for a full thirty seconds.  
"Roxas," I read.  
"That is now your name, Key of Destiny," the mysterious man intoned. "For now, you are one of the Organization. The thirteenth member."

He brought me back to the castle, and I was given a coat, slacks, and boots resembling his. When I donned them, I was surprised to find they fit perfectly, as if they were tailored specially for me. Later, I was introduced to the rest of the Organization, most of whom didn't interest me, nor take any interest in me. A redheaded with kohl-lined eyes of serpentine green was instructed to show me around, then to my quarters. My gaze was immediately drawn to the upside-down teardrop marks beneath his eyes.  
"Name's Axel, commit it to memory," he smirked, extending a skinny hand for me to shake. I took it, and absentmindedly provided my name, but most of my attention was focused on his face. He looked so exotic that I felt very plain in comparison...

Axel is a cocky, outgoing man, very sure of himself, as temperamental as his element and with an attitude to boot. He and I became fast friends, oft training together, my dual keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion quickly becoming more than a match for his twin chakram and fire magic.  
He and I were close, the both of us considering the other his best friend. It came as an utter shock to me, one day, to find that I had fallen for him, and fallen hard.  
But... how? Xemnas, the Superior, had told us all we had no hearts, and therefore could not feel any emotions whatsoever... Did he lie to us? But... for what purpose?  
Maybe Demyx was right, and we really _can_ feel...

It all snowballed from that. After a period of insecurity and hesitance, I finally confessed to him, and he admitted that he liked me too. Axel and I just took it from there...  
I spent most of my nights following that event in the pyro's room, threading my fingers through those flame-red spikes of his or tracing odd, random patterns around those curious marks on his face, always wrapped in the secure, comforting cage of his warm body and arms.  
When he left with Marluxia and Zexion's teams for Castle Oblivion, I whiled my time away in the City that Never was, patrolling even when it wasn't my shift, hunting down Heartless and basically wearing myself out so that I wouldn't notice the cold, empty bed that I always had to return to.  
But I always did, when I smelt his scent on the pillows, tears flowing down my cheeks as I hugged on tight to my chest, trying my best to imagine it was his warm body that I was clinging to, not a cold, lifeless object.

I fought a silver-haired boy in a blindfold, one day, in the City, and I defeated him. As he lay at my feet, face pointed towards me, he cried, "Why? Why do _you_ have the Keyblade?"  
I showed no indication of this upon my face, despite its being concealed by my hood, but I was completely floored by the question. I didn't know the answer. I didn't know how to respond. I paused, contemplating the answer that I didn't know, before answering him with a cold, "Shut up." In my frustration, I lashed out with Oathkeeper and rendered him unconscious. I left him there, in the rain.

I pondered the youth's question for weeks afterwards. I was so deep in my ruminations that I no longer noticed the emptiness of my shared bed, and I couldn't even bring myself to be overjoyed or relieved when Axel finally returned, alone, reporting a brown-haired kid wielding a Keyblade who, in his words, "looks just like Roxas, blue eyes and all."  
I think I was distracted and distant after that, wondering about the relation between myself and the other Keyblade Master, and Axel tried his very best to bring my mind back. He was doubly as passionate, doubly as cocky, cheerful, aggressive and everything. Far more so than normal that even Demyx had commented on it.  
But I just couldn't get the silver-haired boy and the blue-eyed keybladist off my mind.  
So I decided, on a whim, to leave, and find myself.

I was brought out of my thoughts when a voice chimed out behind me, a voice eerily familiar. "So... you're really going, huh?" I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice the red of his hair against the dark buildings.  
"Yeah," I responded roughly. "I need to know." I didn't dare to turn around, but I did halt in my footsteps for a moment. I didn't want to look backwards, didn't want to see his face, knowing I would be compelled to stay with him and continue living in ignorance, screw finding out why I had the keyblade and finding myself.  
"You can't turn on the Organization!" he cried out, as I began to leave. "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" He sounded frantic, strained... desperate. He didn't want me to go, that much was for certain.  
"No one will miss me," I retorted, knowing it was a lie, knowing it would hurt him as much as it hurt me to say it. I dearly wished I could take it back. I ignored the tears that pricked at the corners of my eyes and continued to move.  
"That's not true... _I_ would..." I heard him whisper, as I rounded the corner. It shattered my heart of dubious existence. The tears burned a wet path down my cheeks. I walked away, never turning back.


End file.
